Some of you know me on Facebook and see me post longer missives when I am trapped in my head and need to say something. Usually, when I need to make clear something that I cannot voice easily for fear of interruption before the message is complete, or because verbalizing an idea that has so much effect and depth can be very difficult and dangerous.

These two posts are something I feel very strongly about. I would say I feel strongly enough that they need repeated attention. Read then take a day or a few and re-read. Look critically at not only the world immediately around you that you interact with at work, getting groceries, paying your bills, where you play/celebrate, what you do, think, have access to when you are able to be alone with yourself. Dig into assumptions, daily traditions, habits, auto-pilot moments, and the intersectionality of your personal privilege and applicable minority labels that effect you, and each and every one of our lives.

I do not feel I am alone in these beliefs and I hope this resonates with you, too.



To all of the allies out there.

That are loud and “proud” for us queers on social media.
That are shouting love and support from internet rooftops.

I need you to do me a solid.

Along with shouting love and support (I never want to take that for granted) I need you to do something harder. Something that will cause discomfort.
Something that requires intention and directness.
Something that may put you at an emotional risk.
Something that I need you to be strong for.

I need you to engage those around you, in your daily life, and educate, debate, help people that have fears, help people that brush us aside, help them understand.
Show them the pain and terror of this attack as if it was made against thier immediate family.
Show them how much silence hurts.
Show them that their language matters.
Show them … Help them… Help us all.

We need people outside of our community to acknowledge that the hate our community endures could be hate transferred to any number of protected groups, classes, religions, ethnicities…

Take your praises of love and support and turn them into action. Initiate discussion, debate with intent, create interaction instead of silence in quiet corners, expand awareness by the water cooler, find another ally at the mechanics, start a town hall with kids at the mall. Acknowledge the history of hate we have survived thus far and take active steps to change the views in your communities.

Everywhere non-LGBTQ people are (so, basically everywhere) is an opportunity to have dialogue, to make something more than a “small talk” conversation to fill the silence.

Be a an *active* ally. Do more than shout off internet rooftops into the melee of hundreds and thousands of voices already yelling about something from their internet rooftops.

Hopes and prayers and changing your avatar on social media will not enact change. Educating and bringing awareness in people will. Making our community reality clear to those that don’t see will.

That is my request.



Touting white pride or straight pride as equality speech is farcical and impossible. You cannot equate the power and privilege of a majority seeking an equality of speech action, when the entire system of society is built around and for the benefit of these majorities.

When those of minority groups speak up with unity, pride, inclusion, visibility, it is because there is *not* equality. These minority groups are a smaller part of the populace and are sick and tired of being discriminated against. Stop threatening them. Stop attacking them. Stop denying them access to basic civil rights. Stop killing them. Stop denying them their religious beliefs. Stop denying them care.

Stop it with the “white pride” and “straight pride” B.S.

You have every day, of every year, in every place in America to be white/straight. You are not at risk for hate, abuse, job loss, denial of medical coverage, violence, shunning from your families and communities for just being the person that you were born as.

Let those that were born different live their lives. Believe it or not, there are A LOT of people out there that are different from you. Maybe you can see the difference, maybe you cannot. It is not for you to judge. Their actions in their lives have no direct effect on your actions in your life. Focus on improving your life and your home and leave others to theirs. A family is a family because of heart, soul, love, commitment, not fleshy bits.

If you continue to tout equality by way of white pride and straight pride, you are actually advertising that you have too much privilege and need less because you are not on equal ground. You are in a privileged state.

This region/nation/world is big enough for everyone to be equal without all the hate, violence, racism, bigotry, homophobia… So stop pissing in the pool.


Please, take a moment to reply. I would love to hear what steps you take to be an ally. Tell me how you work to help minorities gain more respect and quality of any kind.Your responses can inspire others to try new ways to make a difference.