So I got into a wee dialogue on a FB page about WoSo (Womens Soccer).
Well, really I was PISSED and was trying to keep it to an “adult” form of conversation. Even though I often have the urge yo yell and scream and throw things at times, I am aware that that rarely works to educate or interact and form new opinions. So, I was good. I used kinder, more clinical language and clear vocabulary and acted like I would expect a teacher or experinced adult to act.
The basis of this rant was that there was a “Top 10 Most Attractive Women in Soccer” list posted on a Facebook group page with a question by poster “Who are your top 3 hottest?” (Note – there are a LOT of Hope Solo fans out there and the thumbnail for this schlock piece was a close up image of her – thus evincing a torrent of random hearts, smileys and exclamation points). This page is for the supporters of NWSL and used for spreading knowledge, awareness and increasing network of said NWSL fans and supporters. This post of schlock media beauty mold making has NOTHING to do with **spreading knowledge, awareness and increasing network**. It is something that is created by the media and force fed to our youth. Think about it – our society’s children – from as soon as they get an allowance to their early to mid 20’s (some people even further into adulthood) – disposable income, no children, poor impulse control, a need to fit in, easily bruised confidence. All of this stubbornly young, impertinent, growing up fast squishy brain matter is being messed with by marketing wizards in the fashion, beauty and health, and luxury arenas.
Discussion hopped off in this manner when I posted:
“Attractiveness” this should not be something we judge our pro athletes by. (side note. I do not find HS antics and actions to be attractive. I cannot appreciate”attractiveness” that is so sour and unattractive within. Also, who cares about their social attractiveness. I watch amazing women play amazing soccer.
There were a few nodding agreements, and then this:
… but we do it to the men too… so I suppose it’s to be expected.
Why do people feel this is a valid argument? Do you want to do what you are “expected” to do? Do you need to fulfill an expectation of kept housewife? Wanna go back to not voting and not being able to own land or retain your own name? Be property? ARRRRGGGGHHH!
My actual response to this mind numbing statement was:
Society expecting it does not mean we should fall in line and do what is asked. I would love to see a flip of this post. Name the 3 top soccer players you would like to have a dinner party with. So you could actually trade ideas. Meet their inner person. Share experience and knowledge. That is far more interesting and I would like to know who people ADMIRE and why. They are not just a collection of pretty faces.
(the part abut meeting people that you admire and having a dinner is from a #BeingBoss podcast)
So I figured that we (NNWSL page members) are usually into having good discussion on the FB and it would stop or at least peter out there as people started chiming in with similar statements. To be fair, many others did like this idea about calling out thier 3 most admired WoSo players vs. the original mag rag prettiest list and the thread took a turn for the better. Mostly. There was still that one page member that must really like to debate… regardless of what they are debating.
We are society. There is a certain danger in denying the free expression of something that is so natural and universal as attraction.
Ok – Hold up – no one is denying attraction. It is universal that we all feel some form of it. Really a non-issue here. My attraction does not need to be compared and laid out on a bell curve for the global media. My attraction is MINE. Yours is YOURS. Each person feels attraction in a unique way. Media is WHORING our attractions and trying to mold us into liking the same shit so we buy their stuff to make ourselves “transform” into something other people want. News flash folks – everyone is a little different and everyone likes things/people/faces/food/smells a little differently. Stop setting/voicing a “norm”.
Again – what I actually posted in response:
Free expression=great. Social/print media marketing that you should have/feel/agree to these created “norms” of beauty=horrendous.
Short and sweet. Clear statement. Not getting emotional. (Seriously. This is a task at this point) then this popped into my timeline:
They do conform to what we, as a silly society, have branded ‘attractive’…
*SMH* My last response took some time since all of this conversation was done via thumb typing on my wee smartyphone. It actually posted simultaneously as the person I was discussing with had posted her 3 admired WoSo dinner guests. So, some progress there, for a minute. Still, I had already sent my return salvo to the “silly society” and branded norms comment thus the ball kept rolling:
I am not a part of that branding. “We” as a part of this silly society are educated by media. Run by big business and money and fear and unatainability to keep us forever buying crap we don’t need to “transform” ourselves into something “more attractive” by standards not set by our actual interactions with loved ones. You do not need to propagate this misinformation, this deeply entrenched form of emotional abuse. We need to grow together to acknowledge our strengths, beauty, individuality and raise each other up. Not knock each other down in the name of being “prettier”. I am lucky I am surrounded by beautiful and strong women that know this. That don’t ascribe to media requirements and social constructs.
neither do i. but i refuse to punch people in the face who do happen to find themselves attracted to the norm.
(WTF? Who said anything about punching someone in the face for it? Is this an H.S. domestic violence reference? Not really sure. and continuing the post…)
I don’t need to raise my children to follow that. but I am not going to tell anyone that they are wrong for perfectly natural things. MANY people fall into the category of ‘the norm’, not because they are mindlessly thinking what they are told… but because the law of averages dictates that social norms are social norms for a reason. the average person in that society feels that way… for one reason or another. break the mold- great… but don’t be ashamed if you fit into it.
And again I am confused what is being communicated here. Your children are being raised by a village weather you like it or not. The TV/Phone/Internet and those racks full af candy, ads, cigarettes and magazines at every store that are set at just under your eye level are targeting and raising your kids. The “category” of the norm is a business construct and fed to us via these pathways and varies by generation. They are educating your children to identify what they present as “the norm” at this time based on what they can sell you/them. It is not mindlessness on the part of the receptor – it is very skillful, clever and intentional marketing manipulation. The idea that the “average” person exists and feels a certain way is also a construct. If you are not feel ing like “everyone else” something is lacking and you buy to fill the void. You try to change to “fit in”.
While, yes, we all have things in us that are able to be metrically measured as “average” a bigger statement of importance here is that we all that parts of us that are blazingly unique and make us far from average.
There is no MOLD to break.
There is no SHAME to feel.
The beauty you seek and the beauty you are is purely your own self to fulfill.
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